Ahh!

Don't you hate it when people decide to shut you up?! I know I do. And then you ask for them not to do it again, and what do you know? They do it again!! Like they have the right to do such a thing? God, things like that frustrate me so much! Shit!

It was my bad to say something was bad without actually knowing what it was, but I couldn't contain myself. It hit a nerve, so whether it was good or bad, it was bad to me. How would you understand? You just see it as me being judge mental, when I'm really not. I'm just crying out because that thing hit an old nerve. It bothered me for reasons you wouldn't understand. It struck it because I have bad history with the creator, because it spoke of revealing secrets I would like to hope none of us have.

The idea just hit me like a sack of scorpions right from the beginning, so what seemed to be judging, was actually refusal to accept that that could possibly any good at all. I could never admit that whatever it is could actually be a pleasant thing.

So I come up with excuses, and reasons why that would be crap, why it's stupid. I try to come up with anything, anything that would serve me as back up as I try to bash it and wreck it. I just couldn't admit that it could be a nice idea, I didn't give it a chance because nothing from there was good in the past, why would that be any different. Anything coming from that, person, could never be good and honest. I hate it, anything coming from there.

There's a secret of my own: Anything coming from there or any bad memory bothers me, whether it be good or bad, I hate it. It's grotesque and intolerable. My thoughts would never dare venture into what was, my lips would never dare speak of what was that made me hate so much, and any part of myself would never dare venture into anything pertaining to that now, in the present or future.

So that's why I seemed to judge, that's why I snapped at the idea, that's why I hate it. It's just things that have hurt me in the past, bad things I've come across that make me lash out at certain ideas and actions. Life has made me many things I myself am not proud of. Like jealous and untrusting. So sorry if they get the better of me.

Ok, I think I'm done now. I'll cut this blog short for one night. I was never one to completely express and say what I'm feeling anyways. I can't help but hold back, it comes naturally to me. I hope this blog served at least as some kind of mystery to some of you.

Well goodnight everyone. And even though I'm still mad, I love you very much.