Life is waiting!

Insecure and sensitive, none trusting and skeptical, and attention deficit. I'm talking about a lost musician, a lost man, a lost nobody.

It's hard to believe he made this far in life. I believe he owes that to his family, who still look after him in case he falls into a ditch for not paying attention. He wonders to himself all time, "What do I do now? What is my purpose in this life?" But he mostly wonders what he has to do next. I mean, if he at least knew what it is he should do now, maybe someday he will simply run into his life's purpose while turning a corner.

But this kid is lost. He has no corner to turn, no street to walk down, no hope for a bright, successful, and fulfilling future. He is what you call the undead. He's dead, but still walking around like a zombie looking for his next brain to feed on.

In this point in his life, he should be running with his dreams. Looking forward to, and fighting for his heart's desires. But he isn't. The question is why. Well that's a simple one. He simply is what he is. Besides being insecure, none trusting, attention deficit, and a zombie; he's lazy as well. What a combination huh? He has some nice traits about him though, he's not all bad. He's an awesome guy to be around and hang out with. I'm not telling you the opposite. But none of those good traits are going to do himself any good if he keeps holding himself back being all the bad things that he is. Especially being the zombie part, that's just no good at all.

He needs to stop moping around, stop feeling sorry for himself, stop being insecure about himself and which path he should follow, and start moving.

Yes, life is hard. It's hard because your blind 90% of the time, and the other 10% of the time that your not blind your having things thrown at you so fast you could never have seen it coming. Life is like a maze with huge pot holes, quick sand, and roots that popping out of the ground ready to pull you under. It's filled with long, thick branches, and sharp poisonous thorns protruding from the walls ready stop you in your tracks. It also has other zombies roaming around in there looking for a life themselves, but needing your brains to do so. But, to put the icing on the cake, it's shrouded in a dense fog you can't see through. How you like them apples? But with all these booby traps and fog, you can still make it through. Life is hard and terrifying, but not impossible to live.

This kid has to gather himself together and start walking into this shrouded maze. It'll be difficult, but in that maze is where he will find his purpose. Battling through that maze is where he will find a meaning and find his true, heroic self slumbering inside his current dead beat self. And he won't be alone. He will have his family there always ready to help, he will have his love walking beside him to share this battle with, and he will always have me. He will be under my wings, and through my eyes he will see through the thickest of fog, and walk through the most impossible of paths.

So with all of this support beside you, forget about what you don't know and can't see. Focus on what you do know and can see. Focus on what you have, focus on where you want to be, and walk. Trust me, you will stumble and fall, you will get hurt and gain much experience in things you may not want to, but believe me when I tell it will all have been worth it. You will look back into the maze you walked through and say, "I may not be perfect, but with all of my imperfections I made it through all of that." And you will be proud to say you lived, and weren't stuck at the starting gates scared to jump into the race.

Let's go you dead beat, life is waiting for you!

Ahh!

Don't you hate it when people decide to shut you up?! I know I do. And then you ask for them not to do it again, and what do you know? They do it again!! Like they have the right to do such a thing? God, things like that frustrate me so much! Shit!

It was my bad to say something was bad without actually knowing what it was, but I couldn't contain myself. It hit a nerve, so whether it was good or bad, it was bad to me. How would you understand? You just see it as me being judge mental, when I'm really not. I'm just crying out because that thing hit an old nerve. It bothered me for reasons you wouldn't understand. It struck it because I have bad history with the creator, because it spoke of revealing secrets I would like to hope none of us have.

The idea just hit me like a sack of scorpions right from the beginning, so what seemed to be judging, was actually refusal to accept that that could possibly any good at all. I could never admit that whatever it is could actually be a pleasant thing.

So I come up with excuses, and reasons why that would be crap, why it's stupid. I try to come up with anything, anything that would serve me as back up as I try to bash it and wreck it. I just couldn't admit that it could be a nice idea, I didn't give it a chance because nothing from there was good in the past, why would that be any different. Anything coming from that, person, could never be good and honest. I hate it, anything coming from there.

There's a secret of my own: Anything coming from there or any bad memory bothers me, whether it be good or bad, I hate it. It's grotesque and intolerable. My thoughts would never dare venture into what was, my lips would never dare speak of what was that made me hate so much, and any part of myself would never dare venture into anything pertaining to that now, in the present or future.

So that's why I seemed to judge, that's why I snapped at the idea, that's why I hate it. It's just things that have hurt me in the past, bad things I've come across that make me lash out at certain ideas and actions. Life has made me many things I myself am not proud of. Like jealous and untrusting. So sorry if they get the better of me.

Ok, I think I'm done now. I'll cut this blog short for one night. I was never one to completely express and say what I'm feeling anyways. I can't help but hold back, it comes naturally to me. I hope this blog served at least as some kind of mystery to some of you.

Well goodnight everyone. And even though I'm still mad, I love you very much.

Another One of My Days!

Hello my peeps and my beautiful girl!! B)

I'm just here listening to Kings and Queens by 30 Seconds To Mars. I love this song, it's fantastic. Well since I'm here with nothing to do but listen to music, I decided I'd write another post about my day.

It's been nothing special today. Same old same old. Simply boring. I mean I can't say it was completely same old, that would be a lie. I did go with my mom and sister to get their nails done and what not, that only happens every once in awhile. Not that that's anything fun for me, it's just not an everyday thing. I also went to finish the last recording of my sister's voice for my song. It was great to finally, after so long, get that completed so we can move forward with the production of my song. So the day wasn't completely usual and typical, but it was still quite boring and unproductive the rest of the day.

In the morning I woke up late as usual, around 9:30 or 10. Some time around there ok. I got up, did my bed, wondered around the house wasting time doing pretty much nothing, and then finally decided it was time to get ready. I was planning on using my college class that I have every monday and wednesday as an escape to see my girlfriend for a bit, but that didn't pan out to well since in the end I ended up without a ride to school, so my mom would've had to drop me off. So then after telling her I wanted to go to class, I had to fight a bit to get her to just forget about me going to class today. lol :P It's funny how things turn out. I guess I deserved this turn of events since what I was planning wasn't exactly good. I mean it's not like I was doing anything really bad, but sneaking around isn't the best behavior, so I must say I deserved it. Shame on me. I'll try again on wednesday to see if it pans out better for me... :P lmao

I'm so bad. Not really, but yea. I would say I'm pretty much in the middle. I would like to say more good then bad, but I don't know if anyone else has another opinion of me. If anything I'm just a big goofy dork. We'll leave it at that. lol

So that was pretty much my day today, nothing really interesting besides the recording, which I'm really happy about. I can't wait to hear my song finally 100% completed. Neither can my Ashley. We're pretty psyched about it. So hopefully soon we'll hear it finished, and whoever else is reading can hear it too.

Well that's all for now, I hope your day was better then mine. And I love you Ash!