A Great Night of Splashing in the Rain!!

Hey what's up peoples??

So I come to tell you a tale of a world unknown to all those that are not me and my girl. This world we came across last night. It was beautiful, mysterious, and all ours. The rain fell on us so gently, and the water beneath us crept up our legs the farther we walked ever so subtly. It was easy to get lost in this place. It was easy to get lost together in this water world.

Well what do you think of that intro? Cool huh? :P Now for a little elaboration on the occasion.

Yesterday I found myself fortunate and got the pass from my mother to visit my girlfriend. It was raining pretty hard everywhere. Especially near my girlfriend's place since she's closer to the ocean i would assume. Well on my way to her place I got inspired to jump and run around in some puddles from watching all the rain fall down. I don't know about you but I love the rain, at least when I can take advantage of it, and boy could I take advantage of it at her place. I park and when I walk into the parking lot it is practically a swimming pool in there. The water was plenty high to have your fun in, and get a good portion of your pants wet in. Like halfway up your shin.

After getting through that pool I go up to see my girl and we say our hellos, and we kiss, and hug, you know, the usual boyfriend girlfriend stuff. I stay up there for a bit and I tell Ash to come downstairs and splash around in the parking lot with me. She says ok and tells her mom the adventure she will embark on.

We go down and with some rain still drizzling down we splash around in the pond that has over taken the parking lot. It was so much fun, we splashed each other a bit and ran around in the water. We even found a little 'island' that we stood on to get away from the water. Ash pushed me off...I took her with me though. lol :D We spent a good while out there in the rain running around in the water, drowning our clothes before we cut it short so she can go up and continue doing some art work.

We changed out of our drenched clothes (good thing my girl has like a whole wardrobe of clothes of mine that i was able to change into) and then we sat down together and i helped her out with a project she was working on. While I was helping her I actually gave her an idea she can use and will use for one of her assignments! I was so proud of myself when she did a real quick sketch of the idea and figured out she was really going to use it. (My ideas usually aren't to great. That's why I was so excited about it)

But yea, after finishing my little section of her project we spent a few more minutes together and I went on my way back home. I never like the leaving part, it really sucks. Me and Ash were saying it'd be awesome if some tornadoes or something came around and I was stuck there with them for the night. It really would've been awesome, aside from the danger and harsh wind outside of course. Sadly it didn't happen and I got home before 10, but it was still a very lovely night of splashing in the rain. Can't wait to do it again!

I love you! :D

Final page of the chapter!

Hey people. Well babe, since you're the only one that reads this. Our whole argument is over now. It's great news and I'm very happy to be moving forward now after this whole predicament. You see? I told you I'd still love her after this whole ordeal. And she still loves me, very much. :D

Well as I was saying in my other blog, she just wouldn't talk to me. Apparently she just couldn't or didn't want to. She actually said she didn't want to. But yea, I did get an 'I love you' from her which relieved me a bit, but she was still just not talking to me.

After awhile of this whole thing which I hated she finally starts to talk to me. She says we need some time apart..What a lovely thing to say after not saying anything at all right? But she's saying something so I'm going to run with it. After she mentions this we start to talk about it, I tell her that if space is what she needed, then she should've told me from the start. This whole space idea didn't sound to bad to me actually. I mean of course after I knew what she meant by apart. If she meant she wanted to break up for awhile or something that wouldn't have gone down to well for me. But she stated, "I don't need a month. Just a day. Or maybe even just a few hours everyday. Why must we be texting 24/7?" And my answer to that is that we don't have to be, no one is forced to do anything here, besides respect each other which is more like a rule then option, I believe. Plus, if this space is going to help our relationship, then so be it. I only want to be closer with her, I only want to grow to love her more everyday, and I would love the same to happen with her towards me too.

Well moving on with the story. We talked about this space thing, we both became clear of what that space was, and I told her if she needed some space from for a bit, some time to go away and actually miss me, then she can do as she pleases. As conservative as I may be, I don't ever wish to control her. The whole point of sharing her life with me is to be free and happy with me, not controlled by me. She said she needed to be able to breathe, so I agreed that this is necessary.

After saying we loved each other we stopped talking for a bit. She went about her school and getting home to do her work while I..sat around pretty much. lol I wasn't in the mood to work, Iwas still a bit angry with her, or bitter from the whole not talking thing. Well after we did our own thing for like 2 and half hours..yes, I know it doesn't seem like much time at all apart, but it should still count if it felt like a long time right? I think so..Ash texted me back saying hello. 20 min. later she texted me saying she was guessing I was asleep. She was right..lol But then when I woke up from my nap I answered back.

We talked a little bit by text, I was still pretty nonchalant but yea. To my surprise, after texting for a little bit she calls me. It was cut short because I needed a really bad bathroom break, but after that I called her back and we continued to talk for a bit. No we didn't talk for an hour and a half, and we didn't have the best conversation of our lives, but we talked. We were both loosening up again, me from my bitterness of the whole argument, and her from her not being able to breathe and talk to me. She asked me during our conversation if I was happy she was actually talking to me again. I really was happy she came back to me, because it felt like she was gone for that bit of time she couldn't say a word to me. I'm really glad we were able to talk after this whole ordeal and work it out. I just hope from now on she will simply be able to tell me what she needs or what she's feeling instead of completely freezing on. But anyways.

I make her happy!!! After we started talking again or a bit I asked her what was the first word that came to mind when she thought of me. I told her not to think, just spit it out. She said happiness. B) I knew what it meant but I asked her to explain anyways and it meant that besides what I may believe, I make her happy. That made me very happy, I'm glad that besides all of my imperfections, which I have a lot of i think..I still make her a happy girl.

Well that I think puts the cap on this chapter of our lives now. I believe we will simply grow stronger and closer from this, and I am pleased to say we are both very happy with each other and are deeply in love. In love with a passion like no other. We have a good grasp of what love is, and we will strive to make our love as perfect as we possibly can together. I LOVE YOU!

*Side thought- I wonder what the next chapter of our lives will be about..Hmm, I hope it's exciting, and doesn't involve fighting. Unless of course it's a wrestling fight. I don't mind those at all, those are fun. ;D

I don't know

She thinks I was trying to force her to tell me she loves me. I....just don't know what to say anymore. I just wanted to know if she was able to tell me that, I wanted to know how bad she really dislikes me or i don't even know. She won't talk to me about anything. I don't even know what she feels towards me. Apathy, anger, disgust, annoyance, force. I don't know. I never tried to force anything out of her. The last thing I want is something forced, I want her to be able to confront me herself and tell me anything at all herself. But she can't. She can't tell me anything, she doesn't want to tell me anything. I'm lost and I'm not doing very good. I just don't know.

I left her alone now, we're not talking because if I tried to talk to her anymore she's just going to start saying I'm forcing her into, and she will continue to just not say anything to me. So I left her alone to decide what she wants to do, let her decide when she feels she can and wants to talk with me again. I hope that time comes soon. I hope it comes. I wonder when she will read these two blogs I wrote. I don't know anything. I guess we'll see.

Anger

I'm soo freagin pissed man. My girlfriend wanted me to write this blog, so I will write it. Today I was pretty out of it. I was so tired all day today, I don't know why, usually I'm not so tired but today I was. So after a finished school and al my classes i pretty much just went home and slept the day away. I was just so tired. My girlfriend later, at night, when I'm pissed at her, fills me in that that is the reason she was only fine earlier in the day. When she was feeling fine all she was "Because I am" she absolutely refused to talk to me. But what is that? If your upset about not talking to me all day, then why would you go off and refuse to talk to me some more? To me, it is not right. I cared enough to ask repeatedly but she refused to tell me anything. She just didn't care, and I was left there with absolutely nothing at all. So we go on the rest of the night saying absolutely nothing at all. Then out of no where she tells me she's buying hair dye at publix..What am I supposed to say huh? Oh my gosh that's awesome! No!! I'm pissed to no end cause she has refused to talk to me. Don't get me wrong, I do care and wished I could just be like, "That's great babe, you happy with the color?" And talk about the whole thing with her but I couldn't. How could I? I'm mad, I can't just move on to another topic when this one was still going on in my mind.

So as you probably can guess, me not saying anything about her dye made her mad. Go figure. So we start to fight. But during the whole thing it seemed like I was mostly fighting myself trying not to punch a hole in the wall. She just completely treated the argument like it was nothing. She was so apathetic about the whole thing and it made me mad. This whole thing started because I didn't talk to her to much in the beginning of the day, and now that we were at the end of the day, she just refuses to answer me back. Oh and the loveliest part was when I called her to discuss this verbally and she said, "Just because" again, this time right in my ear. It was obvious to me she didn't give a rat's ass about this. She didn't care, her voice was so apathetic and dull. I hated it so much. Why was she doing that to me? All I did was care. Sure I didn't talk with her to much in the day because i was mostly asleep, but is that any reason to not talk to me? Like really? Is that any reason to completely push me aside and push aside everything I was trying to do and everything I was trying to say? I wanted to talk with her so bad man. I wanted her to tell me what was up, why she was feeling the way she was. I only wanted her to care enough to answer me back and not be fresh with me. Telling me that I don't care or telling something else simply to attack me personally. I wanted to discuss this problem. I tried so hard. I'm a guy, so it's hard to humble myself down sometimes but I was down, and I was desperate for her to say something. To change her tone and take me seriously and answer me. But she never did. I'm so empty right now I'm just babbling on now.

I didn't deserve that treatment, I know I didn't. I deserved a discussion, an argument about this. I did nothing but try to get her to speak, to say something to me after the whole dye thing that wasn't 'mhm' 'weren't you going to go?' 'just because' 'yea' stupid shit like that. I've poured out everything here. I feel what happened was unjustified. I feel like an old man now, hunched over with no words left to say. I called her, and that's something special when it happens because i know I usually don't, but she didn't care. Even after so late she has decided to keep to herself, give me nothing but smart ass remarks against me, show me no concern or care about me or what I was saying, show me nothing but pure apathy, and lastly above all deny my 'I love you'

Yes I'm pissed at her, yes I want to punch a wall or break my phone at this moment, yes I feel she went about this completely wrong, yes I feel she wasn't acting right towards me, but I love her above everything. At this moment she has been apathetic towards me and been a pain more then anything else. But I love her very much. Before this happened I loved her and after this is finished I will still love her.

She wanted me to write this so I did, I poured out my heart and what i thought about this whole thing. It was not right, and wrong on her part to freagin push me aside like that. That is where I stand. I want to talk with her, but I'm not going to talk with her if she refuses to, and gives me that shitty apathy. That tone of voice and attitude she used with me will stick with me all night, I may even dream about it. We'll see.

I like to forgive and forget, but not this time.

Life is waiting!

Insecure and sensitive, none trusting and skeptical, and attention deficit. I'm talking about a lost musician, a lost man, a lost nobody.

It's hard to believe he made this far in life. I believe he owes that to his family, who still look after him in case he falls into a ditch for not paying attention. He wonders to himself all time, "What do I do now? What is my purpose in this life?" But he mostly wonders what he has to do next. I mean, if he at least knew what it is he should do now, maybe someday he will simply run into his life's purpose while turning a corner.

But this kid is lost. He has no corner to turn, no street to walk down, no hope for a bright, successful, and fulfilling future. He is what you call the undead. He's dead, but still walking around like a zombie looking for his next brain to feed on.

In this point in his life, he should be running with his dreams. Looking forward to, and fighting for his heart's desires. But he isn't. The question is why. Well that's a simple one. He simply is what he is. Besides being insecure, none trusting, attention deficit, and a zombie; he's lazy as well. What a combination huh? He has some nice traits about him though, he's not all bad. He's an awesome guy to be around and hang out with. I'm not telling you the opposite. But none of those good traits are going to do himself any good if he keeps holding himself back being all the bad things that he is. Especially being the zombie part, that's just no good at all.

He needs to stop moping around, stop feeling sorry for himself, stop being insecure about himself and which path he should follow, and start moving.

Yes, life is hard. It's hard because your blind 90% of the time, and the other 10% of the time that your not blind your having things thrown at you so fast you could never have seen it coming. Life is like a maze with huge pot holes, quick sand, and roots that popping out of the ground ready to pull you under. It's filled with long, thick branches, and sharp poisonous thorns protruding from the walls ready stop you in your tracks. It also has other zombies roaming around in there looking for a life themselves, but needing your brains to do so. But, to put the icing on the cake, it's shrouded in a dense fog you can't see through. How you like them apples? But with all these booby traps and fog, you can still make it through. Life is hard and terrifying, but not impossible to live.

This kid has to gather himself together and start walking into this shrouded maze. It'll be difficult, but in that maze is where he will find his purpose. Battling through that maze is where he will find a meaning and find his true, heroic self slumbering inside his current dead beat self. And he won't be alone. He will have his family there always ready to help, he will have his love walking beside him to share this battle with, and he will always have me. He will be under my wings, and through my eyes he will see through the thickest of fog, and walk through the most impossible of paths.

So with all of this support beside you, forget about what you don't know and can't see. Focus on what you do know and can see. Focus on what you have, focus on where you want to be, and walk. Trust me, you will stumble and fall, you will get hurt and gain much experience in things you may not want to, but believe me when I tell it will all have been worth it. You will look back into the maze you walked through and say, "I may not be perfect, but with all of my imperfections I made it through all of that." And you will be proud to say you lived, and weren't stuck at the starting gates scared to jump into the race.

Let's go you dead beat, life is waiting for you!

Ahh!

Don't you hate it when people decide to shut you up?! I know I do. And then you ask for them not to do it again, and what do you know? They do it again!! Like they have the right to do such a thing? God, things like that frustrate me so much! Shit!

It was my bad to say something was bad without actually knowing what it was, but I couldn't contain myself. It hit a nerve, so whether it was good or bad, it was bad to me. How would you understand? You just see it as me being judge mental, when I'm really not. I'm just crying out because that thing hit an old nerve. It bothered me for reasons you wouldn't understand. It struck it because I have bad history with the creator, because it spoke of revealing secrets I would like to hope none of us have.

The idea just hit me like a sack of scorpions right from the beginning, so what seemed to be judging, was actually refusal to accept that that could possibly any good at all. I could never admit that whatever it is could actually be a pleasant thing.

So I come up with excuses, and reasons why that would be crap, why it's stupid. I try to come up with anything, anything that would serve me as back up as I try to bash it and wreck it. I just couldn't admit that it could be a nice idea, I didn't give it a chance because nothing from there was good in the past, why would that be any different. Anything coming from that, person, could never be good and honest. I hate it, anything coming from there.

There's a secret of my own: Anything coming from there or any bad memory bothers me, whether it be good or bad, I hate it. It's grotesque and intolerable. My thoughts would never dare venture into what was, my lips would never dare speak of what was that made me hate so much, and any part of myself would never dare venture into anything pertaining to that now, in the present or future.

So that's why I seemed to judge, that's why I snapped at the idea, that's why I hate it. It's just things that have hurt me in the past, bad things I've come across that make me lash out at certain ideas and actions. Life has made me many things I myself am not proud of. Like jealous and untrusting. So sorry if they get the better of me.

Ok, I think I'm done now. I'll cut this blog short for one night. I was never one to completely express and say what I'm feeling anyways. I can't help but hold back, it comes naturally to me. I hope this blog served at least as some kind of mystery to some of you.

Well goodnight everyone. And even though I'm still mad, I love you very much.

Another One of My Days!

Hello my peeps and my beautiful girl!! B)

I'm just here listening to Kings and Queens by 30 Seconds To Mars. I love this song, it's fantastic. Well since I'm here with nothing to do but listen to music, I decided I'd write another post about my day.

It's been nothing special today. Same old same old. Simply boring. I mean I can't say it was completely same old, that would be a lie. I did go with my mom and sister to get their nails done and what not, that only happens every once in awhile. Not that that's anything fun for me, it's just not an everyday thing. I also went to finish the last recording of my sister's voice for my song. It was great to finally, after so long, get that completed so we can move forward with the production of my song. So the day wasn't completely usual and typical, but it was still quite boring and unproductive the rest of the day.

In the morning I woke up late as usual, around 9:30 or 10. Some time around there ok. I got up, did my bed, wondered around the house wasting time doing pretty much nothing, and then finally decided it was time to get ready. I was planning on using my college class that I have every monday and wednesday as an escape to see my girlfriend for a bit, but that didn't pan out to well since in the end I ended up without a ride to school, so my mom would've had to drop me off. So then after telling her I wanted to go to class, I had to fight a bit to get her to just forget about me going to class today. lol :P It's funny how things turn out. I guess I deserved this turn of events since what I was planning wasn't exactly good. I mean it's not like I was doing anything really bad, but sneaking around isn't the best behavior, so I must say I deserved it. Shame on me. I'll try again on wednesday to see if it pans out better for me... :P lmao

I'm so bad. Not really, but yea. I would say I'm pretty much in the middle. I would like to say more good then bad, but I don't know if anyone else has another opinion of me. If anything I'm just a big goofy dork. We'll leave it at that. lol

So that was pretty much my day today, nothing really interesting besides the recording, which I'm really happy about. I can't wait to hear my song finally 100% completed. Neither can my Ashley. We're pretty psyched about it. So hopefully soon we'll hear it finished, and whoever else is reading can hear it too.

Well that's all for now, I hope your day was better then mine. And I love you Ash!